COMEDY NIGHT: A Stitch in Time Saves Nine! 

at The Rumor Mill’s OPEN MIC/Performance Night

Thursday, October 21, 2010 from 7:30-10:00 pm

Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast, and comedy is good for what ails you, so come to the show early and get the workday kinks out listening to our opening musical act, veteran blues keyboardist STEVE F’DOR, from 7:30-8:00 pm. Then sit back and laugh yourself silly as this week’s comedy doctors dispense the healing balm of laughter and otherwise tickle your funnybone. (Should you suffer side-splitting, suture-bursting merriment, EMTs will be on hand to stitch you back up, administer oxygen to those suffering from shortness of breathe induced by fits of uncontrollable laughter, pat you on the back—“breath, just breathe, that’s right”— or apply the Heimlich maneuver should you accidentally choke with mirth while eating. Kindly staff members will be available to help you walk off any hysteria induced by helpless hilarity until you regain equilibrium and your own mobility. We also have cappucinno, lattes, and expresso for the self-medicating and caffeine-challenged. Of course, you could stay at home and sit on the couch like a lump, but this is not good for your mental and physical health, nor for your emotional well-being, and is therefore not recommended. Arise, arise, and come out to the show! —Dr. Feelgood

The Rumor Mill is pleased to welcome back Guest Host WILLIS TURNER, standing in this week for Sardia Marley while she performs at The Improv. Among other things, Willis does a hilarious, spot-on impression of his favorite musical performer, Prince, that will have you rolling in the aisles so, please, somebody beg the man to do this! Raised mostly by his father, and now a father himself of a young daughter, Willis knew he wanted to be a comic from an early age. He’s logged a lot of miles since to make that dream come true. Today he appears regularly at all the big comedy venues and frequently tours across the U.S. and Canada. Willis has traveled so much that he has enough frequent flyer miles to go to the moon, but since most of his travels have been by automobile (except when he went to Afghanistan) his trade-in is only worth $100. While he consequently doesn’t get many free trips, Willis does acquire many funny and interesting stories along the way and this keeps him fresh.

MARTY ROSS is a Los Angeles based stand-up comedian who was born in New York City when it was still a British Colony. He’s “freakin’ old!“ Comedy was really important when he was in school in that it kept him from getting killed by the BIG kids. He discovered it was hard for someone to hit you when they were doubled over with laughter. When he first tried dating he heard a lot of “Go out with you? Over my dead body!” Curiously, it was about this same time in his life that he discovered his fondness for necrophilia. Married several times, Marty says that his shortest marriage can be summed up as follows: “Not only did she get the house but half of the wedding cake!” He came to stand-up late in life, waiting until he was eligible for Social Security so he could fully understand and share the misery of getting old. Things are going well. Not only is Marty not making money doing stand-up, he’s also not making money doing commercials, tv characters or sketch comedy. Thankfully, his mother is very proud of him. (She doesn’t see so well, so she thinks he’s his brother.) Most days, when not performing, Marty can be found living in a vintage refrigerator box around 5th and Los Angeles streets. His MySpace biography is succinct: “I’m old, cranky, and I piss a lot.”

CELESTE DONOHUE tells us that “the lure of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll came early for me when I joined the school band at age 10. I played the flute but unfortunately Jethro Tull already had someone and my parents wouldn’t let me go on the road.” After that they sent her to a high school that had no music program, so she took up dancing. She spent many years as a dancer, until bad knees and bunions got the best of her, and that’s when she was lured back into music, It was, she says, “what I was meant to do…tear up hotel rooms and party all night long. But, eventually, that too took its toll and somehow I ended up in comedy. I was kind of forced into it, but then I kind of liked it (sort of like sex). The comedy is really fun, but the sex pays better.” Celeste has been performing as a singer, dancer, and comedian for over twenty years. She has appeared on The Tonight Show in sketches with Jay Leno, performed in a Snoop Dogg video in which Snoop told her he liked her “Doggy Style” (this, she thinks, only because she was holding a sign that said “Doggy Style”), and she once opened a show at the House of Blues for John Lee Hooker. She is currently writing a sitcom about growing up in a funeral home–and still fantasizes about singing with the Rolling Stones some day.

Recently arrested and hauled before the judge in Superior Court, KENNY KLEIN was asked to explain himself. This, taken from the actual court transcript, is what he said: “Kenny Klein is the best stand-up comedian alive. Kenny Klein wrestled a panther and lived. Kenny Klein is God’s first choice for stand-up comedy. Kenny Klein is so funny, he once made a dog laugh. Kenny Klein was funny from birth but waited to start stand-up until he was ten-months-old so he could actually stand. His parents thought this was so cute they stood him up on the sidewalk and let him perform for tips, which is where he first met Marty Ross as the old man exited the Social Security office. At the age of five-years-old, Kenny Klein was attending the circus while it was in town and was bitten by a rabid clown, which scientists now believe is the source of his comedic powers. Kenny Klein can see the future, and it’s so bright and funny he has to wear dark sunglasses.” Hearing all of this, Judge Peter Parker thought Kenny Klein’s phone was definitely off the hook, but he thought the young man was essentially harmless. Kenny then began to tell jokes, and the judge died then and there in a paroxysm of helpless laughter. The case was dismissed, Kenny’s off his meds, and with us tonight. Be forewarned!

As a boy KEVIN McGEE was “extremely shy and basically kept to myself.” It was in high school that he began to discover that he had the ability to make people laugh, and he was the kid constantly cracking wise during the lunch break…and sometimes during class. Still, he never gave much thought then to becoming a comedian and it was only when he was in college, tasked with giving a seven-minute speech on a hot topic “in the most creative way possible,” that he naturally turned to being funny. He discovered then and there that he had the ability to make people laugh and he’s never looked back. Kevin is also a movie addict, one who growing up would watch actors on screen competitively (and think to himself that he could perform a particular role better, particularly the comedic ones). Lately he has been pursuing acting roles on the big and small screens with some success, appearing on such shows as CSI: Iowa and Grey‘s Anatomy. Doctor in the house!

 HENRIETTA KOMRAS is out to hook up. She wastes no time and she pulls no punches: “I’m hot, check out this ass!” She believes in herself so much that she advertises: “I hang banners on the freeway-facing side of my apartment building that say: “If you were banging Henrietta, you’d be home now!“ Originally from the frozen north of Canada she auditioned at the tender age of eleven (she was really just trying to stay warm) for that country’s Junior Ballet Company. When she promptly fell on that aforementioned ass, she realized comedy was a better bet than Swan Lake. She’s not one to complain, or not too much, but as she tells us, you never know what you’re going to get on a date: “I tried a threesome, but the two guys fell in love with each other.” And, she claims, men often don’t know where they’re going or what they’re looking for, “So I put my g-spot on Mapquest. They still get lost and won’t ask for directions.” Despite all the obstacles, she has faith: “I’ll be hot even when I’m old. I’ve already got my website, Bingobitch.com!” She studied acting with Margie Haber and Ivana Chubbuk and comedy at The Groundlings and CBS Studios, and stand-up comedy with Judy  Carter, Mark Lanow and Steve North. Henrietta is currently part of Brook Forest Entertainment’s Stand-Up Repertory Company.

Opening the show from 7:30-8 pm will be veteran blues keyboardist STEVE F’DOR, who has been a fixture of the L.A. music scene for over 35 years and has long been regarded by fellow musicians as one of the better keyboard players on the west coast. He has performed with many of the nation’s music legends, including such blues luminaries as Otis Rush, John Lee Hooker, Buddy Guy, Junior Wells, Joe Turner, Big Mama Thornton, Bo Diddley, Percy Mayfield, Bonnie Raitt, Koko Taylor, Lowell Fulsom, Pee Wee Crayton, George “Harmonica” Smith, Eddie “Cleanhead” Vinson, Smokey Wilson, Charley Musselwhite, Billy Boy Arnold, Linda Hopkins, Carey Bell, Larry “Arkansas” Davis, Cash McCall, Joe Houston, Big Jay McNeely, Snooky Pryor, Lazy Lester, Jimmy Nelson, Canned Heat, William Clarke Band, James Harman Band, Red Devils…well, you get the idea. The list goes on! Steve has also variously played at the 1984 Olympics, the 27 Grammy Awards, the Los Angeles Street Scene, and the Long Beach, San Francisco, Ojai, Topanga, Hollywood, and West Fest blues festivals. In addition to the blues, he plays Boogie Woogie, Be-Bop, Country, Rockabilly, and Western Swing styles of music. 

THE RUMOR MILL, a coffeehouse/gallery/performance space.

11739 West Washington Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90066

310-397-5400   website: therumormill.us